The Art of Personal Change
Personal change is an artform.
One that integrates the finest logic, with the most wonderful intuition. The really great thing is–there is no “one solution fits all.” If it works it works. Just like how all streams of water find their way to the bottom of the mountain–there are many streams you can follow to get the change you want in life.
But there are certain laws to understand and follow. Just like gravity, viscosity (friction between materials), and composition all direct the path that water takes–we must understand some of the “laws” that govern personal change, so to speak. However, when I use the word “law” in the context of personal change, I use it loosely. Because in the context of personal change, even what is perceived as absolute does not hold true all the time. Which is beautiful. Because it leaves an opportunity for a cheeky mystery to surprise us.
So, the conversation I’m taking us into will position you to experience distinction in all areas of your life; personally, interpersonally and professionally. We will explore more and more of the internal mechanics of how you create your experience in life, and how you can revise things to have more of the experience you are wanting now.
Pursuing greater career success? Want to experience greater love and connection with others? Want to earn more money and prosper without feeling guilt and shame?
This post is the perfect place to start.
In this post, I share with you the foundational premise for the “style” of personal change work I share, and that I have adopted from my many teachers, guides, and masters. Understanding this premise will be The Main Thing (coined by my main instructors Carl & Ruth-Anne Buchheit) as we explore the many facets of personal change. Every post hereon will build on another.
Ending the War Within
Personal change is tricky business. When we seek or want something in life, we are often equally held back by the parts of us that don’t want to change. Though the premise of it may be simple, the mechanics of implementation can get complex. What holds us back from the change we want, is the imagined reality that having change requires we sacrifice something very precious in our lives. It is akin to the experience of being drawn to something new, and simultaneously being sad to leave something behind.
You hear it in societies’ common phrases such as; “Everything comes at a price”, “Life requires sacrifices” etc. It could be sacrificing a precious experience you have with existing people, family, things, and places. This all happens on a level that is beyond our daily awareness. And often, this feels like you are in an arm-wrestle with yourself.
One part desperately wants the new, and another part desperately wants to preserve the old. So the key question you want to ponder is …
How Do You Win An Arm Wrestle With Yourself?
And when you do win, who is it that actually wins?
I can’t tell you how many of my private clients and workshop attendees immediately think they can win.
They can’t. To have a winner, requires a loser too. As a result, this propogates the war within.
And this is also how human beings are architected.
How curious …
By the way of our human or higher-mind (prefontal cortex)—we seek creative expression, variety, divinity, abstraction, inspiration and growth. What I call “New-ness.” Meanwhile, the Reptilian parts of us long for what is safe, same and survivable. What I call “Same-ness.”
Can you see the challenge? One part of us wants to stay as we are, while the other really wants to move on to explore new things. The creator of this thing called human clearly lacked no sense of humour.
So, how do we have the aspects of us that want “New-ness,” come to agreement and harmony with the aspects of us that want “Same-ness”?
Notice that this has nothing to do with overcoming yourself, defeating yourself, or calling any thought or excuse you have as “bullshit.” Far from it. This is about an internal collaboration, rather than a war. When we can find a way to include everything with respect and appreciation, some amazing results are made possible. “Change without the struggle.” says Michelle Masters (one of my teachers).
This isn’t your common performance coaching you hear about where people are taught to overcome themselves. Though, that is not to say this work can’t lead to performance. In fact, it often leads to a form of performance that you can feel good about, and one that unfolds more naturally.
Now, the premise of internal collaboration rather than internal war, requires we explore the seemingly hidden importance behind all your experience. Whether pleasureful or painful–it is part of your experience. And it is therefore precious, and not something we want to remove. We can re-vise it yes. But it first involves a deep respect and appreciation for the part it has played in the past, and to date. And subsequently, the foundation it has established for you as you build the future you want now.
That’s what we will be exploring from here on. And the degrees to which this can be explored is a perpetuity. One that will stretch your imagination to new levels of understanding. So before you move on to the next post, I would love you to contemplate the premise of ending the war within.
And if you are game, join me in the next part of this series; The Art of Personal Change 11; Perfect Solutions That Have Expired.
(I would like to end this post, with an honoring of my roots …)
The work I share, integrates over 12 years+ of my personal exploration of human potential (Human Psychology, Eastern Philosophies, and Martial Arts). And significantly so, my relationship with the Marin-Style Body of Transformational Change Work which underpins this conversation with self, other-selves and Life itself. Honoring Carl & Ruth-Anne Buchheit (Co-founders of NLP Marin and Lead Trainers), Bob Hoffmeyer (Co-founder of NLP Marin) its forefather Jonathan Rice (PhD Clinical and Counselling Psychology), predecessors, and its many loving teachers, trainers, facilitators and affiliates.
Its significance cannot be overstated.
What Sir Issac Newton brought to the understanding of celestial motion, the Marin-Style body of transformational work has brought to the understanding of personal and professional transformation.
Aside from enabling the practitioner to truly understand the complex mechanics of how human beings create their experience, and can create the new experiences they want — the Marin-Style of change work respects the many dimensions of a human being’s unique journey called Life.
Like gravity, its always there in motion, governing the many motions of man.
Stay tuned and please remember to post a comment below.