At the end of 2017, I find myself confronted with an all-too-familiar experience in life:
“I Have No Idea How Things Are Going to Work Out.”
Having spent 18 months living out of a suitcase, traveling abroad, and continuing my journey in communications mastery, I find myself at odds with the aspects of my life that are beyond my control:
- How will I succeed in securing a US Visa, so I can firmly plant my feet here for the next few years?
- How will I continue to be present with the new love and love(s) in my lives whom I have found abroad?
- How will I continue to breathe life into the Work that has become so dear to my heart?
- How will I continue to secure more money and revenue streams to support this nomadic lifestyle?
- How can I continue to fulfil my loving and lasting connection with the ocean, and surfing the ocean?
While all these questions direct my attention to a ray of light that symbolizes the hopes and dreams of my heart, they equally come with seductions of doubts and despairs:
… What if it doesn’t work out?
… Can my heart survive not being with the ones whom I have come to love, and the Work that I so treasure?
… Am I destined to have to start-from-scratch again? Rebuild my finances, secure a shelter to live, and connect with a community to belong?
My structural array of creational attentions is scattered between imagining and living within the realities of probable futures of success, abundance, and satisfaction …
… and the probable reality of what I don’t have, what I haven’t achieved, and that which could go horribly wrong.
This is the contest and tension that provides drama in my life. And goodness me, does that tension long for relief!
In this post, I hope to explicate my process of re-solving this contest I hold within, and re-leasing the energies for other use.
To do that, I must look to the past, and realize how much of what I am experiencing Now, was once a DREAM I longed to fulfil …
Almost 6 years ago, I found myself nearly broke, extremely humiliated, and guilty beyond-measure …
… I had quit my corporate job which paid me very well.
… I was working as a Barista, earning about 33% of what I used to.
… I was building my business as a copywriter and writer in my spare time.
… My main meal was a cooked concoction of canned chickpeas, canned tomatoes and some Indian spices.
… I had met the love of my life back then. And I felt shackled by my financial capacity to provide for her the world I dreamt we could have.
… I spent 12 months reconciling with my dying father, and dissolving the guilt of feeling like I could never return to him the gift he gave me … the gift of life.
Back then, what was the DREAM that I held? What drove me to continue?
… I wanted to earn a full-time income as a writer, and establish my reputation as being a communications guru, with a command over the written word which would inspire and bring people to tears.
… I wanted to be a beyond-competent-coach whom people would pay to transform their beliefs about themselves and life itself, such that their lives would improve drastically in matters of the heart, matters of money, and matters of destiny.
… I wanted to have the time-freedom to work where I wanted to, when I wanted to, and with whomever I wanted to.
… I wanted to be able to enjoy surfing on the weekdays and eating delicious food, while the masses were mostly stuck in the 9-5 cycle, queuing and competing with others.
… I wanted to earn more than six-figures a year, and be privileged to have my own home office.
… the list goes on.
And all of that has been fulfilled…
… I have written a book of my own, applauded by many peers as the best personal branding book they have ever read. And, another book is on the way.
I have a collection of over 5,400 files of written copy I have delivered for paying clients around the world. Including countries such as; Australia, NZ, Singapore, Malaysia, UK, USA, and Canada.
My clients, whether they were coaching clients or writing clients, praise my talent as a writer, and as a great listener whom allowed them to appreciate their lives to more definition, and helped them find the words to match their voice within … a voice which had been waiting for a passage for expression since time immemorial.
I have written more than 12 books for clients worldwide, when I never imagined I would have helped ANYONE write a book to start with.
I have surfed a lot, both in Australia and in California. And now own about 5 surfboards of my own.
I had a fulfilling relationship with a girlfriend of 6 years, and have entered a new and fulfilling relationship with a new girlfriend in another country.
I blitzed the 6-figure earning mark, securing at one stage, a top-line revenue of $185,000.
I have become masterful at the art of NLP, and respected in the personal growth and transformation community as a teacher, and as a resource of great value.
I have travelled on both business and pleasure, to Italy, London, Ireland, Bali, Singapore, and the USA. I achieved this using my own money and resources.
I have spoken on stages to audiences both small and large, sharing my story, and inspiring their own.
I have facilitated multiple transformational experiences and workshops (Heart 2 Hands, Spring Manifestations, Constellations etc.)
I have met people of all races with all faces. From courageous men whom are now resolving traumas from Arkansas and the KKK, army-men working on their PTSD, to women such as mothers who single-handedly raised three children of their own, and those who survived third-degree burns and other life tragedies and are keynote speakers today.
All the above has been my REALITY over the past 5 years. In the past, ALL I have lived for real today, was only a DREAM.
Especially for the ME who was struggling to build my own business, feed myself, and enjoy my life.
The reality I am experiencing now, one that I experience to be in CONFLICT with, was in fact once a DREAM I longed for. And just like in the past, I had no idea how things were going to work out … I continued to keep the dream alive.
In my heart.
In my mind.
I continued to feed it my attention.
As a direct result, that dream fulfilled itself in ways I never imagined it would. And it exceeded my expectations. Just like life exceeds my expectations, all the time.
I realize the CONFLICT and CONTEST between the light of hope and the seductions of despair, provided me the necessary polarity and energy to BRING FORTH A NEW ERA in my life at a speed beyond my WILDEST imaginations.
… and today, that mechanism is still at play, working for and with me in magical ways.
If I were to ask myself, what main learning I am gaining from experiencing what I am experiencing now, it would be:
CONFLICT and CONTEST support FULFILMENT.