“… in the spirit of the warrior-traveler whose only virtue, he had said, is to keep alive the memory of whatever has affected him, whose only way to say thank you and good-bye was by this act of magic: of storing in his silence whatever he has loved.”
– Carlos Castaneda
On January 19th, 2017, I will embark on my journey back to the US (San Francisco) to continue my path of communications mastery. The thought of touching down in San Francisco brings me much joy. I can’t wait to breathe in the air and feel the heart-beat of the city again.
But sadly that also means my month of summer in Sydney (2016/2017) is about to come to an end.
Since being in Sydney, I have had the chance to reconnect with my kin, my beloved partner Claudia, nature, and with the activities I love most (surfing, drinking great coffee, and soaking up the sun).
I have also had the chance to experience life here in Sydney anew, having spent 3 months growing with the Marin-Style NLP work, and pioneering new stances for experiencing life.
In particular, dis-computing guilt, innocence, blame, and shame–in as much of my daily living.
It has been surreal. And somewhat strange. Noticing the ways such beautiful experiences were always available in the city I grew up in.
Experiences that I never took notice of before. Feelings I ignored. Spaces I didn’t hold.
In particular; the gumtree (eucalyptus tree), the sarcastic humor of the people, the roughness of the terrain (scorching sun, dry heat, and killer insects), the underlying Suffering that plagues the colonials, and the ancient pace of this getaway island.
“Deprived of recriminations, all I had were feelings.”
– Carlos Castaneda
Sydney for many years, was the house I lived in, but in a way, never knew. Not until I recently declared my intentions to migrate to the US.
At 30 years of age, perhaps my heart has started to mature. To find a place to include that which is presented, that which is given, and that which is.
Between my partner and I, our agreement to support each other in doing what we love, stays strong. If anything, she has taught me to appreciate how courageous we are as a couple.
I often spend months abroad without her company. Only to come back for a month, and do it all again.
The heart-longing separation at departure isn’t what I look forward to.
Save for the fact it reminds me, how much I care. How much we both care for one another.
“Embrace them totally for the last time.
But intend that this is the last time on Earth.”
– Don Juan Matus
Yet with every evolution we undergo, comes the mystery of what form our relationship will take. As I intend to migrate to the US, she may not share the same intention or spirit.
Will we stay together as lovers?
Will we be more like friends?
Will it be both?
Will it be none …
Answers we know we will know soon (in May) enough, when she flys out to experience the place. And my heart tells me our bond is strong enough, that it will work out.
But my journey for this phase of my life has been decided. I will spend my coming years in the USA continuing my work in service to Life, and in service to self.
That’s within my power to decide.
But her journey is yet to be decided (or made known to me). And I have no place to make that decision for her. It is not for me to decide. Though I can make it available. The choice is always hers. As it is with all of us.
Gladly, that does not draw my focus too much. I have learned to pour attention to what I would like to experience. What’s up to me is to choose the experience I would like. Regardless. And to take that which is given, and choose again, and again.
And in doing so, I mirror to others, the possibility to do the same. Not the assertion. But the invitation to follow suit.
So in May, when Claudia visits SF, we will also spend 2 weeks together in Hawaii. There, in paradise, we will decide the next steps our relationships will take.
It’s also beautiful.
Whether someone chooses to stay with you or not, is not up to us. It is not up to me. So love continues to have that mystery.
What others do and select in their life, is to be respected and appreciated. What I do and select in my life is to be exercised.
“Infinity always puts us in this
terrible position of having to choose.”
– Don Juan Matus