Ushering a new era in your life can be an elegant, naturally unfolding endeavour. For those who have followed my Art of Personal Change Series, you will understand this. Change can occur with great power and ease, when we are no longer at odds with ourselves, others, and All That Is.
However, the pathway to realize this change can be confronting. Terrifying even. It can feel like anything but choice. Especially if the choice includes leaving experiences with other selves, people, places, and things as they are. The choice to move forward, comes with the experience of parting ways with what has been.
“We are confronted with allowing other selves, and expressions of life itself, to be as they are.”
These other expressions of life, are inseparable to our experience of life. For most of us, it is people who have been important in stabilizing our present experiences in life. Whether it be colleagues in the workplace, a romantic partner, and family.
So, time after time, I am reminded of the sacredness of what is at stake every time we demand a change in life. Because the present state experience, in pleasure or pain, is extremely precious. The amount of energy, attention, love, and emotion that fuses your persisting present state is a wonder. When we adjust things to be otherwise, we are withdrawing our attention to the ways things have been.
In a sense, we are leaving ways (not losing ways) we have been, to try on new ways we can be. It can feel like loss, though it isn’t. The feeling of loss is a compassionate reminder of how precious the experience was–a tribute to the heart and Soul. It is no different to saying goodbye to beloved friends and family at the airport, just before you take a long journey overseas.
“What has been, is a painting that has become the canvas for something new. Though it can be hard to recognize once the new painting is done–every form and expression that has been is still there. In the layers. In the depths. Holding space.”
To depart respectfully, is to cherish the times and contributions you had together. To bow with your head and grow in your heart; as you say thank you for that experience of life. And to celebrate the coming of life anew by choosing again.
Moving forward also requires we choose guilt (dispell the illusion of separation of that which has been), and embrace personal well-being as our priority. This is in comparison to committing our attention to ill-formed outcomes such as coercing others to follow us where we go, when they do not want to. Our choice in life is ours. Others’ choices are not. This is the premise for exercising our creational authority. That is, we have command over the experiences we select, sustain, and succeed for ourselves. Not others’. No exceptions, ever.
For me, I thought my relationship with my ex partner Claudia would continue indefinitely. Forever. However, as I was continually confronted with opportunities to move forward, I was continually confronted with the requirement to allow others to be where they are. Though we had loving conversations about this months prior to the parting of ways–we were confronted with leaving 6 years in partnership as it is.
I chose to initiate the separation, face to face. The weight of the decision lays with me. With the choice I made. How Claudia experiences it is to be respected and included. Her experience of what has occurred, belongs with her. Just as my experience belongs with me.
Parting ways was terrifying for me, and her. I was confronted with choosing guilt. Of taking ownership of potential ill-will. Not from Claudia. But from the others who love her dearly, and want her to be well.
Claudia was confronted with having to re-choose her experience with self and life itself too. And to re-establish what I had been in her life, in a better way. With other brilliant people, places, and experiences that await her–whether she is aware of them or not.
Leading up to the parting, my mind went into analytical mode–trying to find the “best” way to deliver the news. But there was no best way. There was just what is … my intention–to facilitate this new movement of life with love, courage, and respect.
Often, it is all too easy to take the blame for self. The grief, tears, and emotional rollercoaster that the other party undergoes. However, just like no help can be given to another without their consent. No harm can be done unto another without their consent. The weight and dignity of any experience belongs solely to Self in question.
Claudia represented a golden light in my life for 6 years. I met her when I was entering a new phase with my life’s work. And when she was just stepping into hers with music. Today, I get to continue my next evolution of transformational bodies of work, and Claudia is to complete her final recital live on stage–birthing her song that has been years in the making.
When we met, we were both very timid with pursuing that which we loved most. Today, the foundations have been set. With devotion, we fulfilled that phase unto another with great tenacity. So the spirit of our contract, of our agreement, lives on whether we tend to it or not. It has a life of its own.
“With deep gratitude I thank you for your love Claudia.
What we had together can never be lost.
What we created continues to live.
You were my second.”